Rules of the Game: Love, courtship, marriage, sex and married life from the 19th century until 1939

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As letters became more and more popular as a means of communication, guides sprang up accordingly about just how one was to write a letter, what was proper, and what was out of the question. Many Victorian conventions shine through the guides, and are a valuable way of understanding certain tensions in nineteenth century England, such as a certain “artful artlessness” that came about as the result of the urge to speak from the heart, but never more than was proper.

For men, they advocated as plain paper as could be made available, and for women a light spritz of perfume was sometimes acceptable.

Dating Rituals From The Victorian Era You Should Know About. By. The rules of the hand fan are simple, fan fast to signal you’re singledom.

The Victorian period is also regarded as the era of Romanticism. In those days, courtship was considered to be a tradition and was very popular. Queen Victoria and her family were the idols of the Victorian society, even in the case of courtship. The society had laid down some stringent rules for courting and these had to be followed. The primary method of knowing prospective suitors were Balls and dances.

Society would know young Victorian ladies through a ball or dance. After marriage, the property of the woman was automatically transferred to her husband.

The Dating Traditions During the Victorian Period

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Victorian dating customs. Men and loves life and find a man younger woman meeting in online dating customs. Certain courtship period that occurred before.

However this was not always the case; a cursory survey among the older generation born before World War 2 would unveil a reticence and reluctance about discussing personal matters. Along with an exploration of what lay behind this reticence will be a discussion of the rituals of courtship which have changed beyond recognition; the experiences of the previous generation are now dismissed as archaic and restrictive.

The next two entries will talk about love, courtship, marriage, sex and married life from the late 19th century until the outbreak of the Second World War. As this is a fairly broad topic and quite complicated, we will try our best to explore attitudes then and emphasise how different norms and attitudes applied then and now.

All details are based on research, reading contemporary accounts and academic and popular studies. Contemporary accounts concerning sex should be read with caution as it is highly likely that they were embellished, sanitised or simply outright fabrications. Unlike today where men and women mix freely and there are endless opportunities to meet in order for love to blossom and end in marriage, in the late 19th and early 20th century such opportunities were limited owing to more restrictive norms and ideas of propriety that were pervasive in 19th century society; and many of these ideas persisted even into the late 20th century.

Why was this the case? By the middle of the 19th century, there was an emphasis on respectability which was not only confined to the expanding middle class but also spread to the upper and working classes. In Britain, leading the charge was Queen Victoria and Prince Albert who were both determined to rid the court of the excesses of the Georgian era, and crucially in a period of political instability with the threat of revolution pervasive, present the royal family as the beacon of respectability and the middle class values of thrift, sobriety, industry, self-reliance and austerity.

Even if privately people fell short of the standards set by society, outwardly at least people of all classes strove to meet this standard of respectability and this applied even more when it came to courtship and marriage. The lack of opportunities for both genders to mix freely was common across all classes.

Victorian dating

The Victorian era could be a frustrating time to be young and in love, since the rigid constraints of social convention often meant that your every move was checked by a chaperone. Polite conversation about the weather can only get you so far, so many young and not-so-young lovers came up with ingenious ways to pursue their love affairs.

If you’re looking for a way to spice up your own romance, you might take a cue from these 19th century sweethearts—just make sure the object of your admiration has the same etiquette guide. The Victorians were avid letter-writers, with some areas of London having the mail delivered up to seven times a day , meaning that a note could be written, mailed, and delivered within the space of a few hours.

As a sex and relationships writer, I’m used to researching dating tips, but I started to I moved on to the Victorians and their funny ways with “tussie Club culture is vibrant but it’s not often you see a couple waltzing across a.

Ah, the Victorian Age… You may have thought being named after—and presided over by—a strong female monarch like Queen Victoria — might have done something to soften the naked masculinity of the time. This was the age of muscular Christianity, the age in which the western male came to dominate and subjugate through industry and empire; the age, in short, in which men were real men, women were real men; even the children were real men. But brute masculinity was only one side of the coin.

The Victorians were also romantics, albeit in a rigidly regulated way. Like every human civilisation since the dawn of time, they recognised the amorous aspects of courtship while managing to cloak their fundamental need to reproduce as a species with a series of bizarre rituals. What makes the Victorians so unique is just how stringent these rituals were: essentially resembling rules and regulations you were obliged to adhere to when in pursuit of your amor.

As you can imagine, for the middle and upper classes this made dating a minefield. Restrictive formality dictated every interaction you had with your potential match, meaning you really had to watch what you said and how you said it. But there was at least some rationale behind the proscriptive values of Victorian courtship: to uphold the values they believed propped up their civilisation.

How to celebrate a Victorian wedding

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7 Ways to Flirt Like a Victorian

I hope I have said enough age make you ashamed of your conduct. The young men of stood between dating ways of life in a time of great change in America. They were exposed to temptations the to most of their fathers in a society more restrictive than that which their sons would enjoy. Women period at period more of a disadvantage in that restrictive society as they still could not seek out men or make “the first move.

Armed with The Worchester Letter Writer , at least they could express their refusal outs a outs marriage way than had the previous generation. She lectures at colleges and publishes articles in the fields of 18th and 19th century women’s lives, clothing and needlework, and in the area of material culture.

In the Victorian era, courtship was a business. There was even a term for it: “the marriage mart.” Dowries, lands, and titles served as motivators.

Whether you were marrying lavishly like the royals or eloping in secret, Rebecca Probert offers six tips for the perfect Victorian wedding. For Victorians, finding someone of the right status and temperament was crucial. Love often came afterwards. Choosing a suitable spouse was essential at a time when it was difficult to get out of a marriage. Before , divorce was only available by private Act of Parliament; even after that date, adultery was the only basis for divorce, and wives had to prove additional aggravating factors, such as desertion or cruelty.

Lonely hearts ads typically put out by men were increasingly likely to emphasise the desire for an attractive mate who would be a good homemaker. It was recognised that love, while important, might well develop after marriage.

Dating Rituals Throughout History


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